self reflection

Well tonight I decided to log into my nike account to see what was going on. I still can't remember the password, actually I'm not sure I ever knew it... luckily it was saved and all i had to do was connect. So i log in and surf around, not much has changed, but there was a nice huge blank spot for july and august. Man the summer didn't go at all how I expected. That's just how things go i guess.

Looking back my running times aren't all that different from what I'm doing now. That is odd considering I just now am getting back into it all. I also read back through my old blogs because I wanted to see what my mindset was. I think I was too focused on getting the miles in and not on the ultimate goal. Well that seems to have changed. Who cares If I'm running sub 7 miles it makes no matter if you don't enjoy it. I did like what I was doing, but obviously not enough to continue it when things changed. I feel better about running now than ever before. It's exciting just to think about it.

So as I sit here at the old computer I also realize that my job has changed, and really that has affected everything for me. I liked teaching art, but it was way too stressful of a job. It was always go go go, running was my only hope. Now running is a conscious choice that I make instead of an escape from the irritating day I had. I'm absolutely loving it too.

Have I mentioned my job? Well I currently am a high school teacher's assistant working with very mentally challenged students, some can't even talk or understand anything. I get paid literally less than half what I was making before. It has it's challenges, but I've never been put down by a student, never heard backtalk, never seen a fight, never been threatened, never witnessed a single argument, and I feel like I'm able to affect their lives positively. I remember every single day was a battle just to get a student to pay attention or be respectful in ANY way to ANY one. I wanted to teach, but they did everything in their power to disrupt me, the class, and even themselves. It is the same here, but the students have no control over it if happens, whereas before they had total control and did it on purpose. But let me add that I enjoyed teaching my class, and that it was just a tough school to teach at, lots of discipline problems that really were brought from home. It was just sad that the few students who did all the things I mentioned, ruined it for all the great and wonderful brilliant students. So those were the students I loved and cherished, I just wish that I could have taught them in a better environment.

I also have less students, no lesson plans to obsess over, and no crazy schedule of 5 hours of straight teaching. Heck thinking back I also did extra stuff before, after, and during school in addition to all that madness. No wonder I wanted to run out of there screaming. I really enjoy what I do now, I just wish I could be teaching the art class across the hall everytime we walk by.

So that is that. I thought I would add some personal stuff to the blog and now seemed like a good time. (today) i'll be running just two miles, then another 6-8 miler sunday. Should be a great weekend. I never did get the sensor, but tommorow while april is babysitting I'm going to pick it up and make a nice little gift for her. It's late and time to rest so g'night readers.